Saturday, November 10, 2012

Bathroom Ballet

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed while blogging. Certain scenes in this blog might have subtle coincidence with The movie-‘Inception’ which is coincidental. Facts elucidated are 100% true with no intention of precipitating upon any personal. 

Bathroom, A room for bathing in containing a bathtub or a shower and optionally a toilet, a sink/hand basin/wash basin and possibly also a bidet. In North American English, a "bathroom" is commonly used as a euphemism for a room containing a toilet or possibly a public toilet (which, in the USA, is more commonly called a "restroom") “.

Of course we know right from rudimentary stages of our life what a bathroom is . A holy place where several Guinness and Limca records germinates. Leave alone our Singers, Dancers, stunt masters, all of them once would have been a bathroom hobbyist. Many great actors had their profile blossomed by the influence of bathroom scences.

Now my intention is not to market for Bathroom, its Proformas and credentials but an incident unlikely happened a couple of days before. This blog intentionally lessons its readers what should be done in times if in case what should not have happened, happens.
As usual let me articulate from my perspective.

04/11/2012   03:40 am. I was in the middle of my ‘third level’ dream. (Please don’t throw in your dexterous questions like how I remembered the time while dreaming)
I was strolling in Elliots beach, lingering my foot in the moist beach sand, got jaw opened by a gumtha* figure jogging in front. I fell in love-at-first-sight. I was approaching her, recollecting the dialogues from “Vettaiyadu Vilayadu(kamal proposing Kamalini Mukherji)”. As I was approaching her, I felt a sudden turbulent jerk. I was struck by a massive tsunami.

I woke up by a loud ‘thud’ by some no-one outside the streets. Having fed-up by the disturbances I decided to continue my dream from where I got kicked out. (It is practically possible to continue dreams by recapping the last remembered scenes and sleeping with the bed sheet enveloping).

03:45 am (fifth level dream. Place: Science and Humanities building, CEG )
I saw the same gumtha* meddling with her laptop, working hard, to connect to Anna Wifi. It was perfect time for me to approach her. Now I recapped dialogues from VTV as I was approaching her. Slowly I stood infront of her trying to reproduce what I had premeditated. I took a pendrive in-lieu of a rose trying to express my love. Suddenly the ground trembled with shock waves.

Once again I was awaken by a loud ‘thud’. This time I heard a furious thud. I tried to wake my friend , who was snoring near by, up. But my actions were in vain. I heard someone calling by my name.  It was less than two weeks I had seen PIZZA(tamil thriller movie). I got goose bumped by those continuous thuds. It was coming from the bathroom. My anxiety got tripled with many questions. 

What possibly could be in the bathroom at this time?
Is it girl the from the dream?
If it is so/ if it is not?

I went near the door and asked who was it from the other side?
Friend: Its me _______
Me: What are you doing in the bathroom? (I felt so stupid after asking this question, what possibly a person would do in a bathroom?)
Friend: I got stuck inside.
Me: Since when?
Friend: from 2 pm onwards.
Me: ( so you were the interruption in my dreams ) What shall we do now?
Friend: There should be a small rod which has fallen down when I slammed the door from inside. Find it. Fix it.
Me: I am searching, describe the rod.
Friend: its a small rod.
Me: (OH Great) SILENT
Friend: Have you found it?
Me: It is so overt. It’s covert.  
Friend: #$%^@#$%
Me: (sometimes word games doesn’t work well especially in the midnigth) SILENT.

After sometime.

Me: I found it.  

I fixed the screw in the keyhole and got the door opened. I just couldn’t control my laughter. I badly wanted to ask him“coffee sapteengalane, tiffin sapteengalane”. But I do have temperance with some human in it. Consoled the boy.

Me: you could have called some passer by, through the window, for help?
Friend: I did. With a kelavi (old lady) passing by, I gesticulated her the situation. Requested her to call to your number. But … unfortunately she didn’t had a cell phone. So she left the place.

Now for all those who raise their hands with the question “ Why a kelavi should be roaming in the middle of the night?”. Never mind, I was pondering with the same question but couldn’t dare to ask him. (goose bumped once again by PIZZA effect)

It was very difficult for me to continue dreaming after such incident. Neither I remembered her face nor could I sleep. So I started thinking what he should have done to avoid getting stuck in bathroom.
Step 1: SingSollamale yaar parthathu, nenjodu thaan poo poothathu….”. Infact the kelavi herself would have taken efforts to jump into the house, to open the door, to stop you from singing.
Step 2: Try to remember if any insurance policies, Providential funds taken in your name. Be happy do nothing. Rest will be taken care.
Step 3: Sleep inside bathroom. Wake up at 4:00 am. Tease any aunty who takes her morning walk. I am sure the uncle will open your bathroom door to bless you.
Step 4: Junglee jawani…never lock the door. Ofcourse this step is at the extreme risk of others. 

Prognosis: If your roommate suffers from cataract, night blindness, bipolar disorder, constipation then it is evident that Step 4 has been implemented.

*Gumtha: Homo sapiens who are highly voluptuous in nature, with perfect eccentricity prerequisite conditions (<  and > 1)  satisfied, is colloquially termed as Gumtha.

Courtesy: legends of CEG

Last but not the least. Answer this million dollor question.